Iapos;ve been remembering that fierce 13 year old again recently. A lot. In fact, Iapos;m very consumed by thinking about whatapos;s next and how do I not end up like a lot of the people Iapos;m around who are really just going through the motions and donapos;t seem happy with life at all? How do I please that crazy little wreck of a kid who thought that anything was possible - for real?
I have a call with the womyn who made the job proposition to me tomorrow morning. I set it up basically so that I can lay the groundwork, make sure she knows Iapos;m still very set on going to school in a few years, but yes, Iapos;m fully willing to give almost 2 solid years. More than that if the most dreadful thing I can imagine happens and I donapos;t get in. There it is. Iapos;ve made up my mind. A decision that seemed so impossible a few weeks ago has definitely trended to one specific side for about the past week and Iapos;m pretty set on it now. I know this is the right thing for me. Sure, the stress level might skyrocket, but I know that ultimately I will gain so much more out of it. Iapos;m even almost hoping that it is a struggle. I miss the struggle, the fight, the need to puzzle things out and prove myself versus... Whatever I am now. No one questions that I know what Iapos;m doing right now and while that might seem like a good thing, it also seems awful b/c I realize Iapos;m no longer growing for it.
Ah, internal turmoil. But not so bad if I look at it the right way. Off to the "other job" (not to get confused with the "other, other job").
Many spanks,
BBC ;)
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