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For the most part, my clothes were dry when I walked into Stanley park. Then as it rained more and more, I started to head back. The stairs leading up out of it took a long time to get out of. The dim weather was starting to clock into my brain as I went up those steps. My clothes were getting wetter and wetter, and my hair was dripping with rain. Even my shoes were getting the worst of me, being painful and me feeling bitter about it. The music playing in my head helped to distract me from the obvious feeling of being lost in a city. I skipped several songs, including The Cureapos;s Wish, and Bright Eyes apos;A Perfect Sonnetapos;, that were too boring and annoyingly sad to� pursue on my mp3 player. The Dandy Warholsapos; apos;Sleepapos; was probably the most hypnotic track I had on it.

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You ladies are amazing.� Two different perspectives and I so needed both.

*loves*

I decided to do another four weeks of the programme.� Iapos;m stopping when I reach goal or at the end of the 4 weeks whichever comes first.� I will do three months of maintenance.

I revised my goal to 140lbs (to take into account the probable 5lbs of belly I will need removed eventually.� The surgery might be covered under MSP given my "extreme" total weight-loss.

I fee good about this decision.� It is right for me.

*mwah*

I adore you both.

Thanks so much

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Part of life is being able to identify yourself, and be able to know about yourself. You spent 24 hours a day with yourself, after all. How can you not know about yourself? Well, it happens. The strangest thing in life, is that people care so much about someone else, everyone else, that they lose track of themselves.

Iapos;m not going to get into specifics, just because it would be rude to, but I just want people to hear my words and hopefully share them with others.

You are you. No matter what else happens. You can either admit to that, and live your life, or you can deny that, and live someone elseapos;s life. But if youapos;re caught in the middle, and donapos;t know who you are, youapos;re going to get squished, like a grape. And getting squished sucks.

Okay, okay, so I stole a bit of that from the Karate Kid, but itapos;s good advice. Be who you are, or be someone else, but at least know who you are. Admit it. Live it. Love it. Or the consequences will be dire.

This message will self destruct on September 9, 2001.
Oops I did it again. XD

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O.A.R, oftewel Of A Revolution, is al meer dan tien jaar bezig met muziek maken. Toch zijn ze buiten de Verenigde Staten volkomen onbekend, en hebben ze nog geen echte hit gescoord. Met hun nieuwste single "Shattered" van hun album All Sides komt die hit misschien wel. Het nummer heeft alles in zich om uit te groeien tot een internationale topper. Behalve de prachtige intro, de mooie clip en goede zanger, is het ook nog eens erg radiovriendelijk.

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Iapos;ve had such a hard time sorting through my feelings lately. I know that when Isabelle first picked up Ash at the club a long time ago....I was not jealous, but...mad...I guess.lol. But then more recently I realized it could be used to our� advantage because she is really cute On Sunday night we went out to Babylon with her for the first time and she invited us back to her house with her roomie to play Guitar Hero...and we ended up staying til 5:30am I know she already likes Ashley, but I was worried about if I could get her to like me too. Lol. Ash thinks she does because apparently when I was playing Guitar Hero she was giving me looks that said "I wanna jump you" Nothing happened that night but Ash and I have formulated a conclussion that we want it to. We have a goal. Lol. A threesome with Isabelle definitly sounds like a great idea...even both of us getting to know her in a relationship sorta way....but the three of us. We both agree that we donapos;t want it to be separate. The only problem now is whether or not Isabelle will want to have a threesome with us. She is kinda hard to read I mean, it seems like sheapos;s into the both of us...but I dont know.

It gives me euphoric butterflies in my tummy...the whole thrill of meeting someone new and getting to know them...and knowing that Ash is right there with me, having the same feelings but loving me just as much as ever.

My sister, of course, thinks its a horrible idea. She thinks I am helping Ashley find someone else that she might fall in love with. She says itapos;s like throwing her infront of a bus. I really donapos;t see it that way. I know that Ash loves me and we are perfect together, and I donapos;t feel like she would leave me, or want to be with JUST someone else and not me.

And besides, why CANT you be with more than one person?? I can picture me and Ash living with a third person who we both like, and they like us...like a small family. It doesnapos;t change how Ash and I feel about each other and it DOESNapos;T mean that Ash isnapos;t enough for me at all. I donapos;t see it as a matter of needing more, I see it more as finding feelings in different places not LOOKING for them. I dunno

Anyways, I guess we shall see what the coming weeks bring. For now, itapos;s sort of like a rollar coaster.

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Heh..... Today didnapos;t go as planned again. Well, thanks to those awesome friends who can help me have fun and keep my mind of this troublesome matter. And big thanks to Isabella for telling me something that makes me feel like reconsidering. Ignorance is not bliss. I agree. But sometimes you just wished that that piece of knowledge just didnapos;t exist. Is is to far to turn back? Or was it even close to begin with? I donapos;t know.

To the other "friends". Initiative�and�encouragement�are�always welcomed. I find it hard to talk to someone who always has something to shoot you with. You may think that you have the upper hand, but youapos;re just really dumb and irritating. A listening ear is always good to. Do you know what friends are for?

On a lighter note, I got my first paycheck today. And all I pull of is a weak smile. Heh.....�Well,�itapos;s good to know that Iapos;m not alone in this. Although I rather not be in this situation.�I also have no idea how to check�my paycheck�in.

Pull yourself together, Walk on and Smile. Easy? I want it to be.

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Love will stare you straight in the eye and tell you that everything is fine. But by the time youapos;ve blinked itapos;s fucked things up again.

For a while, I honestly did believe it. Everything seemed so perfect, time stood still at times and I was left speechless. We shared some really great times together, I miss them days.

I canapos;t go on with the way things are now, But I just hope that one day, Maybe you will see sense and we can try again.

The last few days havent been at all easy for me, I havent slept in about 36 hours :/.

Iapos;m getting wound up about the littlest things, And keep flying off the handle as a result.
Iapos;ve torn one drum stool to shreds because I was so pissed off already, and just generally wrecked things left right and centre.
Iapos;m so frustrated itapos;s untrue. Every so often I calm down and think Iapos;m coping, but the reality is that Iapos;m not. Everything is still eating away at me and I canapos;t escape it.

I donapos;t know how much longer I can really carry on like this, and itapos;s only been a couple of days.

This is so fucked up. One of the only good things I had left in my life right now got taken away from me in the blink of an eye, And I canapos;t do a thing about it.
He doesnt realise what the fuck he has caused. Heapos;s taken away somebody who meant the world to me so he can take advantage, and nothing else. How can you call him your friend if heapos;s just dragging you down into a drug filled hell and taking advantage of you?

If I manage to get through this, Iapos;ll get my own back one day.

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